What is Soft is Strong

Trees need their protective bark to enable the delicate process of growth and renewal to unfold without threat. Likewise, we must have our boundaries and defenses so that the more vulnerable parts of ourselves can safely heal and unfold. But our growth also depends upon our ability to soften, loosen, and discard boundaries and defenses that we no longer need. It is often the case in life that structures we put in place to help us grow eventually become constricting. ~ Madisyn Taylor, The Daily Om

For several years I’ve been getting daily quotes in my inbox from the All Souls Unitarian Church in NYC. When I got the above passage last month, I immediately forwarded it to Carey, MJ, Pamela and Kristi.

Pamela totally resonated with the quote. “It takes a bit of living to learn this truth,” she acknowledged, “and a tribe that allows you to shed and grow.”

Carey also loved the passage, but pointed out that the opposite can be true too: that with learning comes the realization that we may need to build a few boundaries.

Water is fluid, soft and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome whatever is hard. What is soft is strong. ~ Lao Tzu

There have been many times I’ve become rigid in challenging situations. When the going gets tough on the mat, I often harden and push through. In a challenging situation off the mat, I often shut down or turn off. The challenging moments I face off the mat are sometimes relational (we can be hard on others) and sometimes personal (we can be hard on ourselves). Yet without exception, the moments I’ve been able to soften, whether on or off the mat, have helped me to overcome what was hard and have yielded new growth.

That’s not to say, as Carey pointed out, that we shouldn’t build necessary boundaries. It’s always about balance. But do our boundaries need to be rigid? Isn’t the water in a powerful wave still soft? Can we soften the boundaries we set to allow the more vulnerable parts of ourselves and others to overcome what is hard and become stronger?