Grow Up

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another. We do not grow evenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations. ~ Anaïs Nin

About 15 years ago I decided to take a yoga class despite having a pretty bad cold. I was a die-hard exerciser at the time and approached every workout with an all-or-nothing attitude. I worked hard to improve my fitness level by increasing weight loads, upping the intensity of my cardio, and doing nothing but power yoga in order to grow my practice. I often walked out of a yoga class before Savasana because it was “a waste of my exercise time.”

But because I wasn’t feeling well that day, I decided to back off and just do what I could. I let go of a bunch of poses and also let go of depth. I didn’t walk out before Savasana. That shift in attitude made the practice one of the best I’d ever had and transformed my approach to yoga.

Then, as now, when I step on my mat, I continue to work on growing my practice. But growing my practice no longer just means adding more power or more depth (although it often still does). It means growing personally. It means accepting my starting point and moving forward partially and relatively. It means knowing when to back off and when to push through. It means adjusting my attitude in the face of failure. It means continually learning about myself on and off the mat with the ultimate goal of relating better to others.

The relationship between attitude and personal growth never ceases to amaze me.