Real Life

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. ~ Alfred D'Souza

I love yoga classes that are sequenced around a peak pose―i.e., a challenging pose that the class progressively builds toward.  I have a few peak pose classes on my YouTube channel, including one that leads to Eka Pada Galavasana (Flying Pigeon). I’ve been working on that arm balance for almost 10 years and can sometimes do it on one side, but so far not on the other.

Here’s a 2014 shot of one of the first times I ever did it:

Photo credit: MJ Anderson

I was excited to finally nail that pose, but honestly, the hundreds of practices that led up to it—both the triumphs and obstacles along the way—were 1000 times more rewarding than the pose itself.

Life is about the journey, not the destination.

Before you stick your finger down your throat at this overused expression, consider how true this simple platitude actually is. If you’re a musician, is writing that song or sustaining that note the finish line? If you’re a boat enthusiast, are you done once you’ve refurbished your skipjack? To you gardeners: how’s your yard looking?

Both on and off the mat, there are things to be got through.  There’s often unfinished business. There are happy and sad moments at different times and to differing equations.

I remember talking to my mother when I was in the throes of babies and toddlers and didn’t have a second to even take a shower. “When I get my life back,“ I sighed as I cleaned vomit from the carpet, “I’ll be able to do such and such…”  She smiled at me. “This IS your life.” (See Here’s to Here!)

Changing diapers and cleaning vomit might be considered obstacles, but there are clearly worse things to be got through than unpleasant parental duties.

My BFF and retreat partner, MJ, was recently diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer. When our tribe found out, we were shaken to our core. I’ve been exchanging a lot of texts and phone calls, including a call with a good friend who’d recently finalized a divorce. The reason for the call was to talk about MJ, but my friend was not in a good place and hadn’t been for months, so we talked a lot about her struggles. “This is so petty compared to what MJ’s going through,” she kept apologizing.

I disagreed with her at the time and still do. Struggles are struggles. Heartbreak is heartbreak. Change is constant. Life can suck.

I don’t have answers for MJ, my friend, or all of us who navigate obstacles to differing degrees and to differing equations. I can only say to love and nurture yourself and the people in your life as best you can. To find joy where you can on your mat and in your garden. To me, that’s how you navigate real life.

(You can stay up-to-date on MJ’s progress on CaringBridge. Search for MJ Anderson-Leichty or Cancer Fears Me.)