Pick a Lane

Last month at Camp Irvington, Margot and I were talking about the procedures and treatments she’s considering as she continues her transition from male to female. We’ve talked about this many times, particularly the concept of passing, a sort of ideal where she ultimately wouldn’t be recognized as ever having been a male.

I’m of the mind that gender identity is on a continuum, so I suggested she consider that her transition wouldn’t have to be all or nothing, especially if her health would be compromised. There were upsides to embracing both your femininity and your masculinity, I said; why couldn’t it be both/and instead of either/or?

For example, the night before she had been sitting next to Luba at a party. Art and I were standing nearby and noticed that Margot was affectionately stroking Luba’s back. “Pick a lane, buddy,” Art jokingly muttered to me. I mentioned Art’s joke to Margot during our conversation at Camp and she laughed out loud. “Although if either Art or I had been stroking Luba’s bare back like that,” I added, “we might have gotten some sideways glances. But because your gender lines are more blurred, people were cool with it and you didn’t have to pick a lane. You could be yourself. Isn’t that an upside?”

The conversation got me thinking that, not just gender identity, but pretty much everything is on a continuum: race, religion, yoga, relationships… There’s never one right way to behave or be. Each of us—not just Margot—is continually transitioning. The good news is that there’s more than one lane to pick; no endpoint; no passing.

Happy New Year, yogis! May you continue to transition and grow in healthy ways. May we continue to stroke each other’s backs.