Boxes

“Follow along, stuff your ideas, don’t take risks, prioritize shoulds, and you’ll achieve your dreams.” – Nobody Ever

On the chiropractic table last month, Dr. Matt told me that his silver collection was increasing in value. I shared with him that when our kids were little, Burke’s dad had given us a bunch of silver dollars from the late 19th/early 20th centuries to put under the kids’ pillows when they had lost their teeth. Burke’s dad had gotten the coins from his dad, and Burke and his brother had their own Tooth Fairy collections. Matt told me that he and Caroline had started a savings account for their son, Billy, but instead of putting money in the bank, they had started his account with silver coins from around the world. The idea was that the money would increase in value faster than if it had been put into a savings account (at least currently), and that it would take more thought for Billy to spend it.

“You guys are always thinking outside the box,” I told him. “There IS no box,” Dr. Matt replied. “Only boxes we create for ourselves,” I said.

That got us both thinking about the boxes humans create for themselves and our hard-wired need to conform.

I remember as a teenager talking to my Deadhead older brother about how Deadheads thought they were nonconformists but that they totally conformed by wearing their ubiquitous tie-dye shirts and dropping acid. “How would you guys react to a white guy coming to a show in a business suit and tie?” I asked him. He was too stoned to answer.

OK, he wasn’t stoned, and I wholeheartedly applaud Deadheads who wear tie-dye to shows. Our need to conform is in our DNA and is necessary for personal growth and healthy social interaction. The boxes we create around art, music, dress, identity, religion, community, politics, etc. help us discover who we are and connect us to each other. But when the boxes become self-limiting, whether on or off the mat, our growth as individuals and as a society becomes stifled. (Don’t show up to a Dead concert in a business suit; This is what Triangle Pose should look like; Only women can wear mascara; You must believe ______ to be part of our faith community…)

I say, go ahead and conform to your communities and to what you think your poses should look like. But then back off, take a breath, and listen: How do you feel in your mascara? Why are you wearing it? How does your Triangle Pose feel today? What are your core beliefs around relationships, religion, politics?

Your ideas are worth pursuing. Your poses are valid. Your identity is perfect. All are fluid.

As Thelonious Monk said, “A genius is the one most like himself.”

May your silver collection continue to grow this season, and may you learn from the boxes you receive and give.