Know Pain, Know Gain
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” — Buddha
As a self-described glass-half-full person and someone who leads positivity retreats, a recent trend in psychology is opening my eyes to a different (and I believe complementary) way of thinking.
I started practicing yoga in the late 90’s/early 2000’s with videos and podcasts. Two influential instructors were Eoin Finn and Philip Urso. Both offered challenging Vinyasa practices with different intentions: Finn lived in Bali and was all about feel-good practices that cultivated positivity, connection, and bliss. Urso lived in Boston and was about holding poses for-freakin-ever to cultivate how you respond to discomfort and adversity. I endured Urso’s practices. I relished Finn’s.
During Urso’s podcasts, my yoga buddy, Carey, and I used to yell swearwords at the speaker after an eternity in Chair Pose.
Yet we still did his practices.
I recently read the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson and have been listening to his podcast of the same name.
Manson is one of many bloggers and authors who reject positive thinking as a road to happiness and make the argument “(backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes), that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better.”
Manson’s advice for greater happiness is 5 Harsh Truths That Will Change Your Life:
Humans suck. Try to suck less.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
You don’t deserve happiness. You don’t deserve anything.
Everything you believe will one day fail you. This is how you grow.
Everything you love will one day be lost. This is what makes life meaningful.
Wow. Really, Mark??
Yet, as Carey and I did with Urso, I keep coming back to Manson’s practices, specifically #’s 1 and 2:
Humans suck. Try to suck less. We all have issues. Recognizing them in ourselves and others opens us up to compassion.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. As the Buddha taught, problems and pain are a part of life. You can’t eliminate problems or pain, but you can upgrade them. As Manson notes, being unhealthy is painful. Doing the work to stay healthy is painful. Having no relationships is painful. Having relationships is painful. Being lazy is painful. Working hard is painful. They’re just different flavors of pain, so Manson says you might as well pick the flavors that are going to give you a better set of life circumstances. Manson maintains that choosing which problems you want to have in your life is the bedrock of happiness.
To my surprise, Manson’s “negativity” practices, coupled with Finn’s follow-your-bliss-connect-with-others mentality, are increasing my ability to be compassionate and are helping me to navigate a current rough patch in my life.
The practices are sometimes obvious, but often subtle. That’s where yoga, meditation, and other mindfulness practices come in. Whether you’re struggling in plank or in meditation; whether you’re struggling to get off the couch or with food or beverage choices; whether you’re struggling with close relationships or the lack of them: being mindful enough to recognize and then choosing to upgrade your problems into better problems will change your life.
Whether in Bali or in Boston, you’ll increase your happiness if you know pain, know gain.